I know I know, it has been too long. So here goes nothing.
It is strange to me, how in one day (or what seems to be one day) your whole entire world can be flipped upside down. Whether it be a good thing or a bad thing. In this case, a way that leaves you wondering what in the world happened!?! How all of a sudden you doubt the things people say. You begin to feel like it doesn't matter anyways. Why make someone your priority when you are only their option. I will never regret what I said that initially led me to this place. In my heart I know it was the right thing. Maybe one day they'll see it that way, maybe they won't. Words are a powerful tool, they have the ability to build you up and make you feel invincible. Yet also the power to break you down and make you feel like dirt. Funny how we will hold on to the hurtful things over the encouraging ones.
My heart is sad. Sad because I can't change a thing, I can't heal a hurting heart, I can't fill and empty space. I can't rewind and make things different. I can't. Of course I know who can but still the heart is hurting. One day at a time, and things keep changing. Each decision we make is molding us into someone new. I am not who I was yesterday, for my reactions and decisions have given me new shape. Challenging as it may be to have to start over, I sigh with relief that I don't have to hold on to what I was yesterday because the Potter continues His work. I am but a work in progress, that He will continue to sculpt.
And so I pray...
Lord, you know the burden in my heart. You know each and every thought before I think it. You never cease to amaze me with your everlasting love and your never ending forgiveness. Thank you Lord for never letting me do this thing we call life on my own. You have blessed me with some amazing people in my life. I know I wouldn't be where I am today without them. I pray that you would keep me strong. May I be obediant to your will and let go of any control I am trying to have. I give it all up. Your mercies are new every day. Lord thank you.
Amen
