I'm not a princess...this ain't a fairytale

I've come to the conclusion that there are no real happy endings....
Nothing ever really turns out the way you want it to...not that, that is a bad thing...but nothing is as it seems to be.

I don't see what most people see in me...
I feel like a little kid that is shy and quiet and helpless...

Deep down I know that I am strong independent and outgoing if I want to be.

So what is it that holds me back?
Why do I let the fear take over everything I want for myself and settle for less?

I've been doing some soul searching...and things are changing. I want to push myself to take risks that I know I need to. I want to be a person that is not afraid of achieving her goal.
A woman proud to stand on her own two feet for something she believes whole heartedly in.

Scared to death.
Who am I and where am I headed?


A new year.
A new chapter.
A new heart.
A new perspective.
A new mind.

time wasted.

I used to look in the mirror and recognize the person who stared back at me
Now all I see is a version of myself that I don't even understand anymore.

The thoughts that control me.
The lies I feed myself
The pain I cause myself.
and all for nothing. =(

I don't feel like I am not who I used to be.
Not sure if I want that back anyway.
So here I sit and search...no idea what for though.

Not falling for it anymore.

It's here...already?

Well it's Christmas...not sure when it got here but it's here.

Feels like it came out of no where, I didn't get everything done I wanted...but oh well I suppose.

I feel like I am not ready for it. I don't feel in the mood... =( Not sure what that is all about but I hope it passes real soon.

Turned out to be a white Christmas...that was nice. I would have been alright without it for driving purposes but it's ok.

I'll write again later...I'll have some pictures to post.

Moving on.

I've been real hurt lately by a couple people...
I've been real mad, and I haven't wanted to let it go.
I've decided that it's not worth it, they haven't been worth it. =(

Sadly enough, it's time to move on.

"Things change. And friends leave. And time doesn't stop for anbody"

So thanks for the memories...

=(

*big fat HUGE sigh*

People keep leaving me!!!!
I don't like it...at all.
The only thing I keep reminding myself is that God has a plan for them just like He has a plan for mine...(but I am really gonna miss you Bethany. )

I haven't quite got the point of God bringing people into my life just long enough for me to get close to them and then takes them aways.
What the heck is up with that?!?!?!?!?
So I am struggling with that one... =(

Anyways, Road trip to Seattle to see them...got me a personal tour guide. =)

Love you guys!!!

more words...

Words used to flow through these fingers
Nothing could stop them from telling it how it was.

The words stop short these days
Never escaping my mind.

So many people to tell
Though nothing ever comes when it should.

Words unspoken
Thoughts unsaid
Tears hidden
Laughs instead


You'll never know the pain you caused
Simply cause it's easier unsaid
You'll never know the tears cried
Simply because it wouldn't change a thing
You'll never know the many times I was just so mad
Simply because you made your choice.

Time is not on our side.
Live today and love the ones closest to you.
They may not be around for long.

Keep those you cherish the most close and never let them go.
Remind them you are thankful for them.
Sometimes it takes more work than you want
But most of the time it is worth it...so worth it.

Full of thoughts tonight...

From the first time we met

I knew your face would be one I wouldn't forget.

From the first time you smiled at me

to the last look you stole.

From the laughs we shared

to the tears I shed.

A friend is what I wanted most.

A friend is what you were.

I sit here alone tonight.

Unsure of almost everything.

Knowing you are there.

I am here.

What to do and where to go.

Searching for the answers.

Fun time with the family. =)

Oh what a lovely weekend it has been so far. Friday night I went to town and watched the church's CHRISTmas program. Chels sang beautifully. =)
AfterLyns came home with me. =) We watched it snow and laughed lots. Always a joy having her here.

Today we had to be back in town so that Lyns could go with the family to get their CHRISTmas tree. I got to ride along and spend some time with them. It was real nice and I enjoyed it lots. I'm quite thankful for the family they have become to me.



This is me and Mam. We were wet and cold.
The whole family posed real nice. =)

Me and my Seeter. =)

Oh the snow. =) This was on the way to town. Photo credit to Lyns who took pictures as I was driving.

good day...a real good day.

So much to tell!
But no real energy to type.

Me and Lyns did some shopping today, got some coffee =), and out to the forest we went.

We went up the mountain in the rhino, found some cows, played in the mud puddle, took some real cool pictures. laughed LOTS...and screamed. =)

And had some real nice sister time.

It was a real good day!

have you ever...

Felt like you were replaced.
Felt like you didn't matter anymore.
That you aren't as important to someone as you used to be.
That things have changed so much you don't even know who someone is anymore.

Time really does change everything.
I've realized that I have been hurt for a real long time...and well, I have let it go and let it go and let it go. But now, I've realized that it still hurts and I'm tired of dealing with it...so tired.

I wish it could go back to the way things used to be...but I know that things will never be like that...ever. =(