Been trying to sleep but can't seem to get my mind to cooperate. Lots on my mind apparently and not to mention my 1hr nap around 11 doesn't seem to be helping much.
Topics on my mind are as follows:
*Insecurities
*Forgiveness
*Letting past mistakes go
*Moving on
*Death
*Love
*Future
* And the fact that I can't seem to spell anything correctly the first time.
So which should we talk about?
I would say the spelling but is has no room for depth so let's go with letting things and moving on.
I find myself thinking of things in the past and really feeling bad about some things because in some cases I was way wrong in my actions and things did not go the way I had planned. So at this point I am chatting with God about all this and I find that I am repeating these same things when I ask for forgivness. Now, I know that God has already forgiven me and moved on so why is it that I can't forgive myself. I mean the one with all the power has let it go so why on earth can't I?
On to insecurities....
Everyone has them...and if you think you don't then you are in denial and need some help!!!
So, the thought behind this is when thinking to myself I say I wish this or I was this or this was better and so on... that if all these things were the way I wanted them to be that everything would be great and I would be so happy because everything was finally exactly the way I wanted it to be. BUT, I also know that we as human will never be fully satisfied. We always want something more. That if I only had that I wouldn't need anything else and I would be so happy. WRONG! It doesn't quite work that way...
Hmm...Forgiveness!
Why in the heck does it have to be so HARD!!!
Ugh...I'm really struggling with this one. I want to be mad for awhile. I don't want to talk and I don't want to be happy about it just yet. But why? Why don't I? I mean, the sensible thing here is to let ig go and live happy...but why can't I? This I want to know!
Sometimes I just really wish I could pause life for a second and sit down one on one with God and ask Him some of these questions...cause I think it would make things just a little easier!
Anyways, just thoughts in my head as I lay awake at 2:30 in the morning!
Had to vent to someone, might as well be this new found friend of mine I would like to call....
Harland. =)
Goodnight/morning
2 comments:
hey there...who's harland? cool..join my club of "wide awake at night" Ya, I posted a blog recently too of how i can't sleep late at night. I think I went back to bed a t 2:30 am though. Anyway, i gotta say, you think pretty straight for being a wake that late...ha
Hahah...Harland is the name of my blog! =) It's who I say I am talking to when I decide to write...ha ha. It was late/early...I may have been a tad delirious! =)
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