Times of change

So many things are changing in my life. From friends, to family, to my job and etc...
I am not sure there is not one thing that isn't changing. I am forever changing.
Being 26 is hard. I am in this no mans land of (as my mam puts it) single, and childless, and need to find friends that I can identify with. I hate risks. I know hate is a strong word but I do, I loathe it. Just thinking about it makes my heart beat a little faster and I can feel my face start to flush. I think however, that unless I do something about this situation I am in, nothing is going to change. If my desire to change is not stronger than my desire not to take risks I am afraid I am here to stay.
I recently and by recently I mean today, was my first real day at my new "position" as a full time scheduler. Your job takes up about as much as sleep takes up in your life, and they say that you should do something you love. Do I love my job? Probably not, but I do love some of the people I get to work with. I have met some of the most amazing people. Some, I can't imagine not being in my life. For that I can smile. I work with my Mam, who saves me on almost a daily basis with a hug, the words " I love you" and whatever other encouraging things I need to hear. Everywhere you go there are going to be those people that try to suck every inch of life out of you...if you let them. I am learning.
I have been experiencing the birth and death of friendships lately. I am finding out how far I will go for someone that I care about and just how far they go for me in return. I am learning that betrayal happens, and that I need to guard my heart. I've been hurt a lot lately, but I know that this is all apart of life and I am learning. People come and go, and I love the saying that they were in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime; just as you were in their life for the same.
Each day I am stronger, smarter, and a little less sensitive to what this world has to say about who and what I need to be. God is good.
One day at a time, press on my friends. This is only temporary.

Thoughts.

I know I know, it has been too long. So here goes nothing.

It is strange to me, how in one day (or what seems to be one day) your whole entire world can be flipped upside down. Whether it be a good thing or a bad thing. In this case, a way that leaves you wondering what in the world happened!?! How all of a sudden you doubt the things people say. You begin to feel like it doesn't matter anyways. Why make someone your priority when you are only their option. I will never regret what I said that initially led me to this place. In my heart I know it was the right thing. Maybe one day they'll see it that way, maybe they won't. Words are a powerful tool, they have the ability to build you up and make you feel invincible. Yet also the power to break you down and make you feel like dirt. Funny how we will hold on to the hurtful things over the encouraging ones.

My heart is sad. Sad because I can't change a thing, I can't heal a hurting heart, I can't fill and empty space. I can't rewind and make things different. I can't. Of course I know who can but still the heart is hurting. One day at a time, and things keep changing. Each decision we make is molding us into someone new. I am not who I was yesterday, for my reactions and decisions have given me new shape. Challenging as it may be to have to start over, I sigh with relief that I don't have to hold on to what I was yesterday because the Potter continues His work. I am but a work in progress, that He will continue to sculpt.

And so I pray...

Lord, you know the burden in my heart. You know each and every thought before I think it. You never cease to amaze me with your everlasting love and your never ending forgiveness. Thank you Lord for never letting me do this thing we call life on my own. You have blessed me with some amazing people in my life. I know I wouldn't be where I am today without them. I pray that you would keep me strong. May I be obediant to your will and let go of any control I am trying to have. I give it all up. Your mercies are new every day. Lord thank you.

Amen

About time right....

I was asked to write something for my cousin to go with a Christmas present...let me know what you think...

There really is no way to describe

The love a mother has for her child

A bond you’ll never know until

You have a child of your own.

There is something to be said

About a woman willing

To do anything to see her son smile

Even if she disagrees with him.

Sometimes we take life for granted

And we lose the things we love the most

We may lose them physically but never forever

Always in your heart and forever in your soul.

You are your mother’s son and will always be

She watches you from heaven

She sees every smile and every tear

One day you will meet again

Smile for the times you had together

And cry for the times you didn’t

But always know she’s right there with you

Keep her in your heart and keep her forever

I've been very behind...

Well I haven't had much time to blog...and haven't really had the motivation either but I have some time today so I figured I would play a quick catch up.

My aunts Jolene and Lanny came to visit me for a couple weeks as a surprise for my dads 50th birthday. It was great, he was surprised and we had a great time just hanging out and enjoying the time together. We had some fun times at the coast as always. But, 2 weeks came fast and they headed back to Kansas. =( Im iss them so much and could have wished I could have came back to visit my grandma. This will be 2 years since I have seen her and she is turning 80 this year.

After heading home from the airport my dad tells me that he's thinking about sending me to Kansas to surprise my grandma on her birthday...I couldn't have been more excited! Everything worked out and 2 weeks later( right now) I sit at my aunts house in Kansas. =) I can't wait. We are throwing her a surprise party on Sunday.

Now to back track just a little. My flight out of portland left at 8:55...and you are supposed to be there a couple hours early. Which meant for us that we had to leave the house no later than 4 in the morning... Yikes! I was up at 3:30 and by 4 we headed out. Everything went fine and we made it to the airport, the lines were long so there wasn't much time to hang out with my dad so we hugged and said goodbye... I am horrible with goodbye's and even got teary eyed saying goodbye to him. Anyways, I made it through security and all that and found my gate...everything was on time. I made it to the Denver airport at 12 their time, with my next flight scheduled to leave at 2:30...well just as we were supposed to start boarding the announced it had been delayed an hour...then not to long after that they informed us that it was canceled! Ugh! I am not a happy camper by now. I had a headache and was not in the mood to continue to sit in the airport. They put me on another flight and this one left at 6:55...that's 7 hours that I had been waiting in the airport...I was just praying this flight actually left! The airline felt bad and gave me a food voucher so I didn't have to pay for my dinner...so that was nice.

We boarded and off we went. It was one of those little planes...not a big fan of that. They are ridiculously loud but atlast I made it! With my aunt there to greet me. =) It was so nice to see her again.

We got my luggage and headed to the house. She walked in and I followed and my other aunt(lanny) didn't even notice. I sat down on the couch before she over knew it was me. At that point she started laughing and was like how'd you get here!? Where Jo and I started laughing and teasing that she drove out to Oregon to get me in 20 minutes. To where she replied "oh you flew!" She was very surprised and it was nice to see her reaction. I can't wait to see the rest of the family and their faces. =)

So for now I'm just hanging out with the dog(willie.)

I'll keep you all updated.

=)

...

Sometimes all it takes is a song
And it takes me back to a place
Sometimes a place I never wanted to go
And it makes me question many things.
Sometimes to a moment I would like to relive every day
And you just really never know.

What I am learning though is that you just have to be able to take one day at a time.
Tomorrow may never come so why stress about it today.
I will make it through this day and I'll take "tomorrow" when it comes.


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I've been very much behind in my updating.

I had family visiting for a couple weeks as a surprise to my dad for his 50th birthday.
The family time was great! I had really been missing them.
And if things work out I will be headed back there in a couple weeks to surprise my grandma for her 80th birthday which I am very much looking forward to. I haven' t seen them for almost 2 years. So, I think it's about time. =)

I've been living on the wrong side of memphis....

No, the title has absolutley nothing to do with anything but it was the last thing I heard on the t.v. =)

Haven't blogged in awhile...I guess just been too busy.
I have family coming in on wednesday for a surprise visit for my dads 50th birthday. So, I have stayed quite busy planning on their arrival, and a party, along with work. So, my apologies that I haven't kept up blogging.

I haven't been up to a whole lot...went to portland a few weeks ago which was nice to meet up with the gang. It doesn't happen very often.
Been working which is nice, better than doing nothing.
I've been doing lots of cleaning, it's easy to get behind...so I have stayed busy.

Down to 2 days until my aunts get here...I am very very excited, can't wait to see my dads face.

Anyways, I am off for now, I will keep you all updated with their arrival and such.

just stuff.

just writing to write,
A lot of things on my mind,
So most of this is a lot of things,
All rolled up into one,
No one specific in mind,
but prayers for all this applies to,
yes, even me.
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I wish I could tell you all the things I have on my mind.
I know things about you I wish I didn't.
All in a moments time everything has changed.
I wonder who you've become.
Where is the you I once knew.

Time changes people.
Swords are drawn.
Wedges amongst us now.

It seems as though all the important people in my life disappoint me.
Which I know is human, it's just hard to look at them the same.
They will always hold that place in my life but things just change.
I wonder why it is, that we can't let go of peoples mistakes.
Why, everytime we look at them we see the wrong they did.

No wonder people hate to admit they messed up
That they are imperfect
Because they receive the same judging eye from those that are supposed to love them the most.
No wonder a worldly friend is easier to forgive past transgressions.

Should be the other way around.
Sad that it isn't.
Since we are going to be judged in the end by the only one that matters.
Why do we feel the need to tell everyone else what they are doing wrong.
Let's have a reality check of our own lives.
Let's be accountable to ALL of our actions.

Sometimes we find ourselves wrapped up in something that seems harmless but in the end causes the worst pain.
We like it so much, and like an addiction we feel the high of it all and don't worry about the outcome it will bring.
And like addiction, we are always hurting someone. Whether our friends, family, spouse, and most importantly God.
It's not always easy to let go of these things in our life...but it is always the best when we do.


I've just had a lot of thoughts lately...needed to get them out...