"I'm waking up
The world is turning
The sun is shining again
I'm holding on
To things I shouldn't
It's time to let them go
I've been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn't speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away
And I can hear You say
It's a brand new day
The pain goes away..."
Too many things going on lately!
I got a call from my long lost grandma as I like to call her. My birth moms mom.
Suddenly after like 4 or 5 years happened to find my number and thought she would call me. I didn't answer though...cause I was working.
What I would like to know though is why now? I mean, I wasn't good enough before, she obviously didn't love me like she loved my sister...so what's different now. Why even bother?
Just the other day I was thinking to myself about her and my sister. I asked myself what made my sister so much better. What did she have that I didn't? Why wasn't I wanted?
Through out my life I have gotten a few cards a couple phone calls and that's it. She knows nothing about me except what my sister(whom hates me) has told her. At this point I am tired of people walking into my life just to turn around and leave again. Just stay gone.
I don't know...
I kind of want to talk to her but then again I don't. Lately I have felt sick and tired of giving people so many second chances.
...and as I thought about that, I have just realized that with God I am given as many chances I need to get it right...so who am I to decide if they deserve it or not. I get them when I certainly don't deserve them. So this has given me something to think about.
Life is moving on...which is a good thing I guess. I suppose I don't want things to stay the same but I wish that certain things would....
2 comments:
You are so grown up, my sweet girl. Such big things that your heart must ponder, but ponder it must. Lovely poetry...Maybe your grandma needs another chance. You never know what might be happening in her world...I love you
beautiful poetry...i bet you wrote it....brandi is right, we don't know what's going on with your grandma. Maybe she is just now realizing how much she hasn't reached out to you...at least if you give her another chance, you can't say you didn't try your best. Well, anyway, hope all is well and glad to have heard you voice yesterday. alright, have a good day.
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